Mohammed
Khayyat
Sept. 13, 2013
UMEI
003 RWG
Summary
draft 1
Leave a blank line after the heading.
In her 2013 TED
Talk "Making Peace is a Marathon," May El-Khalil describes how she
started the Beirut International Marathon. She said that “the running can
change the world”, and she mean it. She was a Marathon runner. She was hit by a
bus while her training. She had a lot of surgeries just to be able to walk
again. She decide to be a supporter for the Marathon runners. Organizing a
Marathon event is so difficult, but her dream was so big. Lebanon hadn’t a
president for a year and they were in a civil war, but even though they had a
Marathon. Now they are one of the biggest runner events in the Middle East.
They achieve their goal and bring the Marathon to Beirut.
Great beginning! You are ready to edit.
Mohammed
Khayyat
Sept.
16, 2013
UMEI
003 RWG
Summary
draft 2
In her 2013 TED
Talk "Making Peace is a Marathon," May El-Khalil describes how she
started the Beirut International Marathon. She said that “the running can
change the world”, and she mean it. She was a Marathon runner. She was hit by a
bus while her training. She had a lot of surgeries just to be able to walk
again. She decide to be a supporter for the Marathon runners. Organizing a
Marathon event is so difficult, but her dream was so big. Lebanon hadn’t a
president for a year and they were in a civil war, but even though they had a
Marathon. Now Lebanon is one of the biggest runner events in the Middle East.
They achieve their goal and bring the Marathon to Beirut, and made the
peace from the Marathon.[NL1]
Editing
suggestions for Draft 3
·
Don’t
capitalize marathon unless it is part
of the name of a particular race, e.g., the Boston Marathon.
·
Check all your
verb tenses!
·
How do you
make past tense verbs negative?
·
Word choice: even though (conjunction) ≠ even so (adverb)
·
Don’t use bold
for the URL in the citation.
Mohammed
Khayyat
Sept.
20, 2013
UMEI
003 RWG
Summary
draft 3
In her 2013 TED
Talk "Making Peace is a Marathon," May El-Khalil describes how she
started the Beirut International Marathon. She said that “the running
can change the world”, and she meant it. She was a marathon runner. She was hit
by a bus while her training. She had a lot of surgeries just to be able
to walk again. She decided to be a supporter for the [NL2] marathon
runners. Organizing a marathon event is so [NL3] difficult, but
her dream was so big. Lebanon didn’t have a president for a year and they were
in a civil war, but even so they had a marathon. Now Lebanon’s marathon is one
of the biggest events in the Middle East. They achieve their goal and bring the marathon to Beirut, and made the
peace from the marathon.
·
Don’t
capitalize marathon unless it is part
of the name of a particular race, e.g., the Boston Marathon. Corrected J
·
Check all your
verb tenses! How about achieve and bring? Can you correct the tense choice here?
·
How do you
make past tense verbs negative? J Main verb have
(and also have to + verb) make
negatives and questions the same as other verbs (i.e., not like be)
·
Word choice: even though (conjunction) ≠ even so (adverb) J
·
Don’t use bold
for the URL in the citation. J
Mohammed
Khayyat
Sept.
24, 2013
UMEI
003 RWG
Summary
final
In her 2013 TED
Talk "Making Peace is a Marathon," May El-Khalil describes how she
started the Beirut International Marathon. She said that “running can change
the world”, and she meant it. She was a marathon runner until she was hit by a
bus while training. She had a lot of surgeries just to be able to walk again.
She decided to be a supporter of other marathon runners. Organizing a marathon
event was extremely difficult, but her dream was very big. Lebanon didn’t have
a president for a year and they were in a civil war, but even so, they had a
marathon. Now Lebanon’s marathon is one of the biggest running events in the
Middle East. She has achieved her goal and has brought the marathon to Beirut.
Final
grade: 100%
Excellent!
Good grammar control. Next, you can try to achieve smoother transitions between
sentences through the use of transition adverbs and phrases.
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